World news, December 12th, 2016:


      Climate settled.

Today just one year ago, December 12th 2015, world leaders came to an agreement to finish climate change. Immediately construction works started in Paris, France, to build the new headquarters of the UN Climate Organization, which was completed today. (See picture.) It reaches just past the sun. This time united mankind succeeded unlike last time in Babylon in doing so by recruitment of UN interpreters. This office will house the authority in charge of the multi-trillion $$$$$$ project to limit the raise of global temperature until 2 oC.

Quite relieved the editors remind you of the decisions taken on that memorable day:

The really united nations joined to

  1. shut off all volcanoes;
  2. stop continental drift;
  3. stabilize the sun;
  4. remove the moon and the other planets;
  5. finish the change in ocean currents both horizontal and vertical;
  6. asphaltize the rain forrests in Amazonia, Africa & Indonesia
  7. prevent all comet impacts;
  8. kill all flying insects that produce 10 x as much CO2 as mankind with all its machines;
  9. arrest undermining carbonat formation;
  10. forbid procreation;
  11. zero tolerate forest fires
Call on all still functioning Gods to take those measures which mankind in its humility forgot.

These decisons have now been put into action. Because of that this past summer and this autumn droughts and floods have been prevented and hurricanes have been banned for ever. Starting next year tsunamis are events of the past.
Lengthening of glaciers and repair of polar ice need some more time. In order to accomodate eventual victims, during this year additional measures have been added to the agreement. By them polar bears, seals and penguins will receive food supplements such as ice cream and iced scones. For whales and other threatened species there are maternity wards under construction to safeguard the babies against premature death.